FEAR - Friend or Foe?

Let’s talk about fear for a change!

Fear is one of those topics people really don’t like to discuss. We are ok if it’s the fear in a good way, on a roller coaster ride or skydiving.

If you look in the oxford dictionary the definition of fear is

“an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm”

You also have fear in the movies, you have THAT scene, you know the one, where there is a zombie/daemon/murderer outside and you’re screaming at the person – "Don’t go outside", but inevitability they do and there’s blood and gore - it’s a little scary, a little bit thrilling and enjoyable all at the same time.

If only our own Fear was quite so blatant, maybe we’d have a better handle on it and discuss it like we do the weather.

The fear I want to talk more about is the one that we don’t understand or see so easily, the one that hides a little deeper the fear of uncertainty and failure, these stem from one are our limiting beliefs.

Sometimes, we don’t even recognize the feeling as fear, it’s just an uneasy feeling, a moment of stress, feeling a little awkward, defensive, or hurt. Fear is persistent though: it sometimes hides in the shadows and manifests as procrastination, comparison, judgement, insecurity, or it makes us play small, stops us dreaming, and worse yet, stops us trying

We are all great at hiding away from our FEARS – Or maybe that’s just me. Personally, that feeling of being judged or trying something new that might not be successful is currently my scary monster.

I am trying a few strategies to help befriend my monster I have started talking to it actually – no judging please.

I now have regular 1:1 sessions with the monster under my bed. I have given him a name (not sure why but it’s a him). He’s a bit like a small dog – with a bark that’s bigger than the bite. We talk, well I mainly listen (in a kind way) and say things like I understand, I love you’re being protective, and I hear the risks. AND then IT’S OK I GOT THIS!!

DOES IT WORK ?? Sometimes it does and sometimes I just have to breathe a bit more and aim for another day. A walk/run/meditation helps too. Here are some other tips that help have helped me and some of my clients

My Top tips for overcoming your Fear

1. Get to know your fear

Listen and understand your fear, what triggers you? How are you feeling ? What does it feel like/what physical symptoms come up? You may even decide to create a journal to help you track these moments better and more detailed analysis understanding.

2. Fear is not good or bad

Fear is usually a protective instinct so when you feel fear, there is something going on so take a moment to listen and see what the message is say thanks and decide you cause of action – you are in charge not your fear.

3. Adopt a Growth mindset

Carol Dweck stated - People with a growth mindset feel their skills and intelligence can be improved with effort and persistence. They embrace challenges, persist through obstacles, learn from criticism and seek out inspiration in others’ success. This gives us permission to make mistakes and learn from them and could help ease the pressure we put on ourselves which increases of fear.

4. Visualize your goals

Creating a vision/strategy/BHAG/goal – whatever you want to call. Have some way of seeing the bigger picture. This can help keep us on track as they say the road, after all they say “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”. Lao Tzu

5. Breath

Breathing is closely linked to the nervous system. “Breathing exercises, especially those that emphasize extended, controlled exhalation activate the parasympathetic nervous system - Deep, controlled breathing can really help relieve some of the stress

Place the palm of your hand on your stomach and breathe slowly and deeply for a few mins.

6. Walk

There’s nothing like a good walk to clear your thoughts, find your creativity, access your vision or even set an intention. Exercise can also be another way.

7. Celebrate your successes

Overcoming your fear is most likely something you’ve done in the past also. Close your eyes think about a time when you overcome your fear What happened? What was about you that made this possible ? what key strengths did you leverage? Now can you apply this to your new situation?

8. Talk

I think we don’t talk enough about our fears and how it makes us feel as if we are the only ones. I talk to my fears in my head, I also talk to my coach and friends (to be fair I only just started doing this). I think one of the things I learnt during my coaching has been we all have fears but whether we let them hold us back or fuel us is up to us. Also this isn’t an either or situation we can be on both planes at the same time, it’s just all about balance

I 100% believe that leaning in, being proactive and treating my fears more like a friend than a foe is a better way to go. The hardest part is understanding and figuring out how to dismantle them. I know one thing though, avoiding our fear makes it get bigger and stops us moving forward. I find that talking is the best one for me!

Let me know your thoughts too!

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